TAZ TALK was founded in 1984 and has been held annually at the Airport Holiday Inn outside Aspen, Colorado ever since. The TAZ TALK Mission Statement is as follows:
We believe passionately in the power of seminars to fill seats. Our goal is to establish a clearinghouse of warmed-over twaddle carefully constructed to allow fuzzy-headed ultra-liberals unencumbered access to the self-righteous sanctimony they so desperately crave. Life Is Good!
Over the years, Taz Talks have featured some of our most profoundly inspiring paradigm-shifters, thought-leaders, game-changers, and tipping-pointers including Pema Chödrön, Zig Zigler, Tony Robbins, and Frederick J. Eikerenkoetter – better known to millions as Reverend Ike.
Here, at last, is the complete transcript of TAZ TALK #1, delivered by Taz Mopula on May 8, 1984. (Speaker commentary appears in regular type. Bolded quotes were projected for audience members to read.)
Welcome to Taz Talks. My name is Taz Mopula. I’d like to begin with a question.
“If you don’t know what you want, how can you be certain that what you have right now isn’t it?” Taz Mopula
Most of us don’t even know who we are, so how on earth could we know what we want? What we think we want is what other people want us to want. So we do.
“Entitlement is a fraudulent concept. We are none of us entitled to anything. Even that next breath you crave is a gift.” Taz Mopula
Inalienable rights! Hilarious! Pursuit of happiness! Stop, you’re killing me! Right to exist! Priceless! None of us is entitled to anything at all, not even death.
“Expect the worst and you’re unlikely to be disappointed.” Taz Mopula
Attitude influences outcome, although it certainly doesn’t guarantee it.
“Why raise the bridge when you can lower your expectations of the river?” Taz Mopula
There’s a lot of talk about creative problem solving, but it’s hard to think outside the box when the box is inside your head.
“You can always have everything you want because you get to decide what you want.” Taz Mopula
I want you to be free from want. Do you see how this can never work?
“It’s lonely at the top. Then again, it’s lonely at the bottom too, plus, the service is really bad.” Taz Mopula
Having sex in an elevator is wrong on so many levels.
“The only thing worse than obsessing over your press clippings is believing the ones you wrote yourself.” Taz Mopula
They say that reality occurs when two or more people simultaneously subscribe to the same illusion.
“Psychotics, murderers, and those who claim certain knowledge of God’s will, are to be avoided at all cost.” Taz Mopula
Beware the zealous speaker. He may be mad, selling something, or intoxicated by a misguided belief in his own imagined infallibility.
“There is nothing to fear except you itself.” Taz Mopula
We think of the world as a dangerous place and realize too late that we are the most dangerous part of it.
“If I could only give you one piece of advice it would be this: Do not, under any circumstances, take my advice.” Taz Mopula