1. Despite a manly thrashing from Ernest Hemingway, meted out with pugilistic zeal, the mime refused to speak.
2. Garrison Keillor inhaled deeply during a monologue; passed out, and awoke hours later in a pool of his own gravitas.
3. Charles Bukowski stared at the woozy, waving label and understood at last that Blatz Beer was both a product name and a promise.
4. It had become impossible for Gertrude Stein to pretend she didn’t enjoy rebuilding automatic transmissions.
5. In the midst of an ether-induced hallucination Hunter Thompson lapsed into sincerity and was inconsolable for weeks.
6. Despite assembling a stable of star performers, William Burroughs eventually abandoned his cockroach racetrack.
7. Laughter ensued when the actual Rolling Stones were accidentally enshrined in Madame Tussauds Wax Museum and nobody knew the difference.
8. In the course of attacking and robbing Brad Pitt, hardened New York City gang members observed that, even with a gun to his head, the tabloid staple was unable to act scared.
9. Elton John purchases movie rights to 50 Shades Of Gray for 20 million dollars before realizing he has misread the title.
10. Charlie Sheen becomes stuck entering a revolving door when the other Charlie Sheen chooses that precise moment to exit; firemen are summoned.