Despite a manly thrashing from Ernest Hemingway, meted out with pugilistic zeal, the mime refused to speak.
Garrison Keillor inhaled deeply during a monologue; passed out, and awoke hours later in a pool of his own gravitas.
Charles Bukowski stared at the woozy red label and understood at last that Blatz Beer was both a product name and a promise.
It had become impossible for Gertrude Stein to pretend she didn’t enjoy rebuilding automatic transmissions.
Despite assembling a stable of star performers, William Burroughs eventually abandoned his dreams of building a world-class cockroach racetrack.
In an Entertainment Tonight exclusive interview, Satan reveals the key to Oprah Winfrey’s success and adds that her soul was so small; within days of making the deal, he misplaced it.
Laughter ensued when the actual Rolling Stones were accidentally enshrined in Madame Tussauds Wax Museum and no one knew the difference.
In the course of attacking and robbing Brad Pitt, hardened New York City gang members observed that, even with a gun to his head, the tabloid staple was unable to act scared.
Tristan Tzara, Marcel Duchamp, and René Magritte either did or did not walk into a bar holding a box marked “Schrödinger’s Cat”.
Robin Williams discovered he was unable to stop talking about Tourette’s Syndrome.
“Help yourself,” urged Wayne Dyer, Zig Zigler and Tony Robbins; then they did.
Universally admired and ridiculously rich, Eric Clapton realized he no longer had the blues and abandoned his musical career to operate a barbeque shack in Lubbock.
As George W. Bush awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found that he had not been transformed in his bed, he was still a gigantic insect.
After weeks of trying, Charlie Sheen realized that it is practically impossible to perform brain surgery on yourself, even with a really good mirror.
In the midst of an ether-induced hallucination, Hunter Thompson lapsed into sincerity and was inconsolable for weeks.