Wing Nut or Phony?

In a culture as deeply superficial as ours it is often difficult to tell the authentic from the false. It is easy to sympathize with the phonies, poseurs, affected wannabe’s and disingenuous empty vessels passing off pilfered ideas as original, skating past any serious analysis or criticism by others as an ant might slide across […]

Crossing The Stream Of Consciousness

For all of us, and when I say “us” I refer, of course, to those who society might describe in terms less than entirely flattering, for example, “laughing academy graduates”, “strange rangers”, “those who dance to the beat of a different marsupial”, and of course, “Followers of Lord Whackadoomious”, to cite only the most widely […]

Insanity An Unaffordable Luxury

According to a study released recently by the American Association of Associated Americans (AAAA), insanity may soon be out of reach for all but the super-rich, if current trends continue. Chumley Throckmorton, PR Liaison for AAAA, explained the findings at a recent press event. “America was founded on democratic values,” he began, “our constitution guarantees […]

Searching for Extraterrestrial, Mentally Ill Life

Since slightly before the dawn of time, man has set his gaze on the immensity of space and wondered this – given the billions and billions of tiny dots out there, which are probably quite similar to the thing upon which I reside, circling the sun, or other large objects – and knowing what I […]

Sick Girls Await Mentally Ill Barbie

Since her 1959 debut, Barbie has attracted controversy the way bloated state senators attract illegal campaign contributions. Little girls admire her for what she is, but whiners, complainers, gadflies, malcontents, rabble-rousers, muckrakers, agents provocateurs, professional cynics, babies, wimps, liberals, thought policemen, and college professors are more interested in what she is not. These self-appointed custodians […]

Mass Communication: Pox or Apocalypse?

According to a recent survey, 90% of surveys referenced on the Internet are fictitious. According to an entirely different, completely credible, survey, 87% of all information posted on the Internet is “useless, stupid, false, and/or toxic.” Survey author, Chumley Entwhistle, Dean Of Psychology at Basingstoke University, expanded. When he was finished expanding, he explained. “All […]

One-Sentence Stories

Despite a manly thrashing from Ernest Hemingway, meted out with pugilistic zeal, the mime refused to speak. Garrison Keillor inhaled deeply during a monologue; passed out, and awoke hours later in a pool of his own gravitas. Charles Bukowski stared at the woozy red label and understood at last that Blatz Beer was both a […]

No Man Is A Hero To His Valet

Long ago I was employed by a massive corporation in the business of manufacturing fabulously expensive, mediocre products that were virtually obsolete before installation had been finalized. Within this corporation was a department, enigmatically referred to as Human Resources, consisting exclusively of individuals thoroughly unqualified for meaningful employment. One day, desperately casting about for ways […]

Earth Day

Allen Ginsberg – Beat Poet When I think about Philadelphia’s Belmont Plateau on April 22, 1970, I don’t think about thousands of stoned out hippies basking in the sun, reveling in the nation’s first Earth Day. I don’t think about Ralph Nader, Dune author Frank Herbert, Nobel Prize winning Harvard Biochemist, George Wald, or Senator […]