Government Will Soon Pay Bloggers Not To Write

Long ridiculed as bureaucratic counter-intuition on steroids, the Agricultural Adjustment Act (AAA), which paid subsidies to farmers for not planting crops, met and exceeded its lofty goals. By reducing surpluses it arrested the rapid decline of produce prices, thereby raising crop value and enabling Depression-weary farmers to retain homesteads teetering on the brink of foreclosure. […]

Crossing The Stream Of Consciousness

For all of us, and when I say “us” I refer, of course, to those who society might describe in terms less than entirely flattering, for example, “laughing academy graduates”, “strange rangers”, “those who dance to the beat of a different marsupial”, and of course, “Followers of Lord Whackadoomious”, to cite only the most widely […]

Mass Communication: Pox or Apocalypse?

According to a recent survey, 90% of surveys referenced on the Internet are fictitious. According to an entirely different, completely credible, survey, 87% of all information posted on the Internet is “useless, stupid, false, and/or toxic.” Survey author, Chumley Entwhistle, Dean Of Psychology at Basingstoke University, expanded. When he was finished expanding, he explained. “All […]

One-Sentence Stories

Despite a manly thrashing from Ernest Hemingway, meted out with pugilistic zeal, the mime refused to speak. Garrison Keillor inhaled deeply during a monologue; passed out, and awoke hours later in a pool of his own gravitas. Charles Bukowski stared at the woozy red label and understood at last that Blatz Beer was both a […]

No Man Is A Hero To His Valet

Long ago I was employed by a massive corporation in the business of manufacturing fabulously expensive, mediocre products that were virtually obsolete before installation had been finalized. Within this corporation was a department, enigmatically referred to as Human Resources, consisting exclusively of individuals thoroughly unqualified for meaningful employment. One day, desperately casting about for ways […]

Earth Day

Allen Ginsberg – Beat Poet When I think about Philadelphia’s Belmont Plateau on April 22, 1970, I don’t think about thousands of stoned out hippies basking in the sun, reveling in the nation’s first Earth Day. I don’t think about Ralph Nader, Dune author Frank Herbert, Nobel Prize winning Harvard Biochemist, George Wald, or Senator […]

It’s A Mad Mad Mad Mad World

Americans have a provincial view of the world revolving around exploitation; that is to say, other countries exist only to the extent that we consider them useful. Johnny and Ginny Lunchbucket think of China as the place that produces freighter loads of shabby merchandise we consume, India as the place to call if something breaks, […]

The Great Affirmation Quiz

The Internet seems to be surfing on an endless wave of affirmations. It’s as if everyone on the web is eager to tell everyone else how to achieve happiness, which, presumably, is a lot easier than finding it for themselves. These uplifting sentiments are almost always retreads, snatched from questionable sources and presented so that […]

The Great Internet Quote Quiz – Redux

The Internet is awash in quotations of debatable merit; some are attributed, some are unattributed, many are inaccurately attributed while others are obvious fabrications. I would like to help separate the flotsam from the jetsam. Below you will find 20 insightful Internet quotes. Can you identify who really said them? Good luck! 1. “Being average […]

1-Sentence Stories – Redux

1. Despite a manly thrashing from Ernest Hemingway, meted out with pugilistic zeal, the mime refused to speak. 2. Garrison Keillor inhaled deeply during a monologue; passed out, and awoke hours later in a pool of his own gravitas. 3. Charles Bukowski stared at the woozy, waving label and understood at last that Blatz Beer […]